So I hit a 20mph zone in town, take the car down to twenty. I don’t want a ticket. And besides, tailing down the speed adds a bit of variation to the monotony of driving in town.
But the guy behind in a white BMW doesn’t care for it. Looking in my mirror I see him making exasperated gestures. He’s a guy about 30 with a beard, and has a blonde girlfriend beside him in the passenger seat.
Well, I don’t plan on hitting the gas and getting a ticket just because he wants to go faster.
Fuck it. I indicate left and pull in to let the motherfucka past. So he goes by giving me the finger and blasting his horn.
I’m thinking, wait a minute, I’ve let you past and that’s all the thanks I get?
So I reach into the glovebox and pull out my .38 snub-nose, crank down the window and loose some lead in his direction. I think one shell hit his trunk (well, I wasn’t making much effort to aim).
Next thing he’s gunning that BM through the 20mph zone like his life depended on it. What a goddamn pussy!
Still, that shoulda taught the guy some manners.
In case you’re wondering about me shooting at people in the street. It’s okay. I’ve got a signed agreement from Simon Bailey, chief constable of Norfolk Constabulary, saying I can keep and carry all the firearms I want, and shoot at anybody I like (except him, of course).
You just got to write a nice letter to him saying what an upstanding citizen you are, and he’ll agree to anything.
What he doesn’t care for, though, is cussing. So I’ll probably get a reprimand for this post. But I’ll tell him that motherfucka is a technical term for bearded white guys in BMWs, whose girlfriends are really Afghan hounds (those with the long-hair).
Sure, I might have been more precise and used the term dogfucka, but there you are – nobody’s paying me for this post, so I don’t need to be precise.
Author and journalist